What's in a name?

Welcome back and thank you for being here. Let’s begin my journey in the same place I started: where my names came from and what meaning they hold.

Transitioning isn’t just a physical process — it involves a lot of mental and social rethinking both within and from others. To echo my intro, my name is Trisha Madeline Nail. Anyone who knew me before Trisha might’ve noticed my name shares the same initials as my birth name. Not only did I hope that might make socially transitioning easier for others, but it also gave me a bit of a guardrail against what might be an intimidating first obstacle in transitioning: finding a name.

In my exposure to other trans folks, not everyone changes their name when transitioning. Some keep theirs, some change just their first name and some even drop having a middle name. But in my case, I felt it was impossible to even get started if I didn’t have a name I could align with because my birth one was inherently masculine.

I was originally named after my dad, and my middle name comes from his brother who passed before I was born. I never felt very connected to either name, never having known my uncle and learning later in childhood about my dad’s flaws that in some part directly led to his death.

Around early high school, I tried to shorten my first name, and for a while, this seemed like a better fit for me. People said they thought it was snappy, and I always called it something of an author-ly name once I started jumping into journalism. With the few letters it had, I pictured it someday below the headline of a major news story, or on the cover of a captivating book I’d write. But the novelty seemed to wear off over time and it felt like something I was just stuck with and had to make the most of.

If possible, I might’ve asked my parents what they thought of naming me if I’d been their daughter at birth — whether I would be Cynthia, which was my mom’s name, or someone else. With their lives cut short I never got that chance. Asking other relatives what my parents were considering didn’t feel right either; I would’ve wanted to hear from my mom or dad personally.

When I spoke to a family member on my dad’s side for the second time after my announcement, they admitted they were a bit broken up at first when they saw I was giving up my first and middle names at birth. They had already lost both relatives, and now, it seemed like those relatives’ legacy in name was also gone. But when I shared my background with them on what this process was like for me, it seemed to bring them some solace about my new name.

So, to quote a line from Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, “What’s in a name?” I think in some way I wanted my reimagined name to also borrow from two people, but two whose experiences I could better identify with than just blood relations.

Trisha comes from the name of a news reporter I knew of in Alabama. We never met and we don’t cover the same beats now that I’m in the field, but I thought her work was solid. Like my birth name, it could be slightly shortened if I wanted. Truthfully, I just admired her name, and it was the one that was consistently on my mind during this process. My feelings were maybe a bit like a soon-to-be parent looking at a list of baby names stuck on one they see their child taking the role of, rather than naming them after someone in the family.

Madeline was the name my fourth and fifth-grade teacher went by, and I always remember her telling my class it was spelled like “made line.” Just like me, it was her middle name, too! As one of the earliest voices in my life encouraging me to see the world beyond Alabama, she was from Texas but traveled to my state to start her career. While in college, she participated in a student-teacher study program in England which she’d enthusiastically share stories of with us sometimes. Nine years later, I’d find myself in London and wondering whether I was reliving her same travel experiences as a Southerner in the United Kingdom.

“That which we call a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet,” ends Juliet’s line from the famed Shakespearean play. She’s saying her romance with Romeo is forbidden because of the family last name he holds and that with any other name, there’d be no issue with their love. In some way, she’s saying names are meaningless. While I’ve just told you about the meaning I feel my name has, I’d like to co-opt Juliet’s quote to say even with a new name, I’m still the same person at my core, especially since the name ties into things I identified with before transitioning.

When I say I wanted to find meaning in my name, it didn’t have to be necessarily deep. I just wanted a name that could have some significance to my life, and something that brought me joy to tell others. Through Trisha Madeline Nail, I’ve found that significance and joy.